Ye Piratical Nature of Me First Matey (or, "Ways My Daughter Is Actually Like a Pirate")

 I submit the following as evidence that HD is, in fact, my child:

• Obsessed with mermaids (or, "mimis" as she calls them)
• Loves shiny jewelry/baubles
• Laughs when she inflicts pain (hair pulling, pinching, the occasional nibble or flailing kicks?  all hilarious when they land upon a parent!  needless to say, we're working on boundaries...)
• Hits the bottle multiple times a day
• Leaves a complete path of pillaged destruction in her wake (we're also working on the concept of putting things away)